Weight Limit
by robotsandblankets
Summary: Ally has a goal in mind and there is nothing in this world that can stop her from achieving this goal. Even if reaching this goal could possibly kill her. She wants this number, she NEEDS this number.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Beginning

Ally's POV

I'm hungry I thought as I quickly walked across the mall's food court. I only had a few minutes to get my food and go back to work. I passed Mini's. Normally I'd go there but I was hungry for some actual food and there was one place I had in mind, the new Italian restaurant across the mall. I busted through the restaurant's door and walked to the front counter. A teenager, of course, took my order. After it was finished and ready I took the box it was in, paid for it, smiled and left.

I sat behind Sonic Boom's counter on a counter stool eating the food from the box. I was drawing circles and 3D squares in my song book, most of the people in the store were just looking around.

"Hi,"

I looked up. A girl with blonde hair and an amazing tan was standing there. She was pretty, thin and wore a turquoise dress with a thin white belt around her waist.

"Yes, can I help you?" I ask.

She smiles and nods. "Yeah, I want to get that red guitar with silver stars on it, in the back."

I look in the back and see it. I walk back and return with the guitar. "Are you going to purchase a case to go with it?"

Still smiling she shakes her head, "No, thanks."

"Cash or credit," I ask.

She gives me a credit card. I began ringing it up.

"You're Ally Dawson, right?" She asks.

I smile and nod. "Yeah I am."

"Oh cool. You're the one that writes all the songs for Austin Moon."

"Yep," I guess I'm still only known for that.

"I'm Natalie," She says. Her name doesn't ring a bell. "Natalie Harris, I used to go to school with you until I began home schooling last year."

"Oh," I say and nod. "Yeah I remember you. How are you?" I ask.

"Good, good," She looks at me with a hint of curiosity in her eyes.

"What?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "It's just amazing. You used to be such a skinny girl. But since last year you seem to have gotten chunky."

I stopped moving. "What?"

"You know," She goes on. "Last year your face was all slender and pretty," She reaches out and touches my face. "Now you're face is fatty and babyish."

I recoil from her touch. "Really?" I touch my own face. I couldn't believe what she was saying.

I hand her the guitar and the credit card. "Have a nice day," I say.

She takes the things and smiles. "Thanks!" Then she leaves.

I wrapped my arms around myself. How could she just come in here and say that? Doesn't she have any manners? She's probably just saying that to make me feel bad or something. Or is it true? I looked down at my figure. Have I gained weight? I'll be honest; I haven't been watching what I've been eating lately. Actually I've never done that.

I look at the box of food. I quickly discard it in the trash can under the counter. I guess it's never too late to start watching what you eat.

"Hey Ally,"

I look up. It was Trish. "Hey," I say smiling.

Natalie's words started coming back in my head. My smile fades and my eyes fall to the floor.

"Are you okay?" I look back up. Trish was in front of me now.

I nod quickly. "Y-yeah, I'm fine."

She looks at me like I was silly. She knew something was wrong. "Come on, Ally. I am your best friend, spill." She demands.

I sigh, remembering this is Trish; she's my best friend. I can tell or ask her anything.

"Okay," I begin. "Do you think…?"

This isn't a question you can just ask.

"Do I think….what?" She asks.

I panic.

"Do you think this shirt is ugly?" I ask.

We both look down at my shirt. It was a grey crop top that said sunny in yellow letters, underneath was a yellow tank top.

"No, I think it's cute."

I smile. "Thanks!"

"Was that it?" She asks.

I nod. "Uh, yeah, that was it."

She nods too. Then Austin and Dez walk in.

_Nice one, Ally. _

10:32 PM

"Hey Ally, do you want some ice cream?" My dad yells from the kitchen.

I was standing in front of my full body length mirror in my room. I was staring at myself.

"N-no," I yell back.

I let my arms fall to where they hung at my sides. I tilted my head to the right. I saw a girl with her jeans too tight and her stomach hanging over her jeans, a tiny bit. I begin to realize everything that Natalie-girl said was true! I did need to lose weight!

I take off my clothes to where I standing in my underwear and bra. I turn side to side feeling disgusted. I couldn't believe how shaded my eyes had been. With my clothes off it was easier to see my fatness droop over the sides of my underwear. The front was worse. I take in a shaking breath. I hold out my arms and shake them, they jiggled. I know that everyone's arms jiggle. But this was just too much. My eyes begin to sting; no, no, no, no I can't cry. I turn away from the mirror. I quickly changed into a pair of pajama pants and a baggy t-shirt. I stood back in front of the mirror and turned side to side. The baggy shirt hid my shame.

I walk to my bed and sit down. I began thinking; thinking of ways to better myself. I could start running each day that could help me lose some weight. And maybe actually watch what I put in my pig mouth. I slightly nod, feeling satisfied with my thoughts. I turn the lamp off beside my bed and lay down, pulling the covers over me. I'll start my journey to being thin tomorrow. And I swear I'll stick to this.

**Hello! I'm back...and under a different pen name. My other pen name was GabbyBustsYourButt. I, uh, got tired of that name so now it's robotsandblankets! **

**Anyway...thanks for reading my new story! Please review, favorite or follow to let me know if I should continue. And please do not be too harsh, this is my first time publishing a story like this. :) **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Two Months Later

Ally's POV

I glance at the clock beside my bed.

6:12 AM

I walk to my bathroom and open the cabinet under the sink. I grab the scale and put it on the hard tile floor of the bathroom.

_"__You should always weigh yourself on a hard surface." _Ana reminds me.

I nod.

I peel off my pajamas and stand in my underwear and bra. I avoid my reflection in the mirror because if I don't I'll cry. I close my eyes and step on the scale. I say a quick wish. I bite my lip as I wait. I begin to think of what I should wear to school. And then I look down.

I smile and start bouncing happily on the scale. It is official! I am standing on goal number one.

105 lbs!

Ana tilts her head to the right and looks at the scale. _"__At least you're losing," _She says.

"It's a four pound difference then last week." I say, trying to keep happy.

Ana shrugs her shoulders, not impressed.

I sigh. I can't happy…ever. I've decided.

I sit on the edge of the tub and turn the knobs. I wait a few minutes than put my fingers under the running water. It's hot enough. I take the remainder of clothing off and step in. The hothotHOT water burns my forever frozen skin.

* * *

I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around my body. I walk into my bedroom and start picking out clothes. There's knock on my door. **(Ally's bathroom and bedroom are connected.)**

"Ally, I'm leaving. Just letting you know, honey." My dad says through the door.

"Okay, I love you, dad."

"I love you too."

I hear him walk away and down the stairs. A few seconds later I hear his tires squeak as he drives away.

Finally I pick out a pair of baggy sweat pants and a t-shirt that had a band's logo on it.

What? You didn't suspect me, ole Ally, to like bands. Well surprise! I like a lot of pop/punk/screamo bands. It actually surprised me too.

I put the clothes on. I put on the converse that was lying beside my bed.

I walk back in my bathroom, still avoiding eye contact with the mirror. I brush my teeth and then my hair. I pick the hair clump out of the brush and bury it, deepdeepdeep, in the trash can. I look at myself.

My hair is noticeably brittle. I have bags under my eyes. I am pale.

_"__You look awful." _Ana comments. _"__You should really start taking better care of yourself, Ally."_

"You're right." I murmur softly.

I quickly blow dry my hair, making it look normal and healthy. I put concealer and powder under my eyes, making me not look like a dead girl walking. I decide I couldn't do anything about my paleness so I leave that alone. I try smiling at myself and for a second I actually look like a real, normal, happy teenager. Only for a second.

* * *

I stand at my locker five minutes before the bell is supposed to ring. A sleepy Trish is yawning beside me leaning against her locker.

"Ally, I'm so tiiiired." She says another yawn escaped her mouth.

"Well you should go to bed earlier, rather than 1:30 AM." I suggest. "I saw your text this morning. Why were you up that late?"

"There was a marathon of Ridiculousness." She whines. "And when you start watching, simply stopping is not as easy as is seems."

I roll my eyes. "You are unbelievable."

Trish smiles at me and shrugs. "So, do you get Austin's new song finished?"

Oh no, I didn't. I mentally smack my head. I was running from 6 to 7 last night. After I finished I only had enough energy to take a shower, walk to my bed and fall on to it. The new songs weren't even near my thoughts.

"Uh yeah," I lie. "He can record it tomorrow, if that's okay. I still need to make some finishing touches on it."

Trish nods. "Okay, I think Jimmy will be okay with that. Since this is Austin's second album I don't think he has much of a deadline now anyway."

"Good," I say.

The bell rings. My eardrums shake.

"See you at lunch!" Trish says as she walks away.

"Okay," I say.

I take my Algebra book out, shut my locker and quickly make it to my first class.

(First Block – Algebra…shit.)

* * *

(2nd Block – History)

Along with my classmates, I look at the teacher with a bored gaze. Of course most of the students in this class are bored because they do not want to listen to this teacher ramble on and on and on about something that happened many, many, many years ago. I'm bored for another reason. I already know this stuff and I hate this teacher. His teacher styles are odd to me. He'll go from one section of a chapter to an entirely different chapter and section.

Thankfully, the bell rings putting us out of our misery. I stand up waaay too quickly. Black spots threaten to take over my vision. I stand straight and fight against it.

"Miss Dawson, are you alright?" Mr. Bernstein asks me.

"Yep,"

I pick my books up and exit the classroom.

While the black spots are still in the corner of my eye and the blurriness is still here, I have my hand on the lockers and walls. Nobody notices me. They are all spellbound by the amazing disgusting smells that are coming from the cafeteria. The black spots and blurriness disappear.

I calmly walk to my locker. I put my book in the locker and grab my lunch bag. I make my way towards the lunch room.

* * *

My lunch bag contains an apple, a bagel and a juice box. Just because it's in there doesn't mean I have to eat it.

I sit beside Trish at our table. We talk about our up-coming mall shopping spree. Both of us had enough money saved to go all out. I was actually excited about it. Lately, Trish and I haven't spent much time together since she's been actually going to her job and I…well.

"Hello ladies," Austin says as he and Dez sits down across from us.

"Hey," we say.

"Guess what I did during science today!" Dez screams. Before any of us could guess or even say 'what', he began talking.

While Dez spoke I look at all their lunches.

Dez's lunch consisted of the school's awful lasagna with corn, milk and a garlic bread stick. Actually make that two garlic bread sticks. He got seconds.

Austin's lunch was the second choice of food, a bowl full of cheddar and broccoli soup, a pear, a chocolate chip cookie and a bottle of water.

I love** hatehateHATE** cheddar and broccoli soup.

I look at Trish's lunch. She had brought her lunch today. It was a peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich along with a mini bag of baked chips, her drink choice of a punch looking drink in a water bottle.

I slowly take the apple out of the bag and stare at it. It was a pretty red apple. It's too small of an apple for me. **It is waaay too big for me eat all of it.** I take a bite. Slowly, slowly, slowly chew on it. I swallow it.

"Excuse me, guys." I say standing up.

"Where are you going?" Austin asks.

"Throwing my lunch bag away, I finished eating." I lie explain.

He nods and puts his attention in Dez.

I go to the trash can and throw the rest of the apple, the bagel and the juice box away.

I want to dig it back up and eat it, eat it all. Maybe I can go through the lunch line and get some soup and garlic bread sticks.

**Stupid lunch**

* * *

_"__Come on, Ally." _Ana encourages me. _"__You only have fifteen more calories."_

This is the only time Ana is nice to me, when I exercise. I appreciate it because this is actually the time when I most need the encouragement. If it wasn't for her I would have stop before I even reached 100 calories. Now I am almost at 600 calories.

The timer beats letting me now that I have finished. I step off the treadmill and fall to the ground. I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling of the basement. I rest my arms on my head and try to concentrate on my breathing.

In and out, in and out, in and out until you can stand up

I stand up. I enter the bathroom. I pick up the pajamas from the floor and put them on the bathroom's counter near the sink. I go back and grab a clean pair of underwear and a clean bra. I go back to the bathroom and put them on the counter too. I take off my work-out clothing and put them in hamper. I take another shower.

After getting out of the shower, saying goodnight to my dad, I finally fall into my bed. My phone beeps. I grab it from the bedside table. It was a text.

To: Ally

From: Trish

Did you finish the song?

Damn it. I totally forgot about that stupid song.

To: Trish

From: Ally

Yep! Just going to bed now, talk to you tomorrow!

She doesn't reply. I stand up feeling oh so terribly tired like I could go on for two more days.

"Let's get this song finished." I say to myself walking to my electric piano.

I finally fall asleep at 1 AM. I'm not sure I'll wake up in the morning.

**Woo! Chapter Two, baby! Thank you for reading this chapter. Please review, favorite or follow and more will come. :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**I got a question from the last chapter!**

**(Guest Reviewer) SJL: Yes, Ana is kind of like Ally's conscience. In later chapters it may seem like Ally has taken on another personality with Ana though too. Thanks for your review!**

Chapter Three

Ally's POV

"Ally, I'm leaving!" Dad screams from downstairs.

I rise up from my sleeping position. I glance at my clock, 7:02 AM. I get up. I swear I set the alarm for 6 AM. I run to my dresser drawers and begin rummaging through them. Good thing I took a shower last night.

After pulling on a pair of skinny jeans and a red pocket t-shirt, I run into the bathroom. Looking at my reflection, I roll my eyes. I quickly put on my make-up, brush my hair and teeth. I look in the mirror making sure I was presentable. It was good enough for me.

_"__Yeah, but you still look fat." _Ana says sitting on the edge of the bath tub. Her outfit was far way glamorous than mine. She looked like a model about to go into an audition. _"__You should really weigh yourself today. I think you may have gained a pound or two."_

I shake my head. "I don't have time this morning."

I walk out of the bathroom, she follows me.

_"__You should really add up the calories you run off. I don't think 600 calories is cutting it anymore." _She teases.

She knows it is working. She knows damn well that it's working. She's just trying to get under my skin.

I pick up my book bag and rest in on my shoulders. It almost takes me down with its weight. I shiver walking out my bedroom door.

_"__Everyone is going to notice you shivering in this 95 degree weather." _Ana skips next to me.

"Well what exactly do I do about it?" I ask annoyed. She doesn't notice.

_"__Easy, layer up on clothing."_

Even if she is annoying, she does have a point. I sigh.

I let go of my book bag and walk back into my room. I come out a couple minutes later in the same outfit except I have blue and purple tights under my skinny jeans and I have a jacket. I'm warmer.

I ignore my whole body reflection in the mirror in the wall. Did the skinny jeans look baggy?

* * *

On Wednesdays I have gym, 3rd block. So during lunch I actually ate my entire apple so I could have energy during the class.

We all stood in a cluster of annoyed students in the gym as Mrs. Helen told us what to do.

"Alright kids, we are going to the workout room, girls on the treadmills and boys on the weights.

"Awww man!" Trish says. She doesn't like working out, at all.

"Yeah this sucks." I lie. I was actually excited. Maybe I could burn all the calories now and not have to when I get home.

Trish and I walk to the treadmills. We pick two beside each other. Before beginning I start to calculate the numbers in my head, remembering we have an hour and twenty minute class.

I ate a medium sized apple which would be 80 calories. So I need to burn that off. Without bringing suspicion I could only work off 200 calories, that including the calories from the apple.

It'll take me 49 minutes to do so while walking. Let's start this.

* * *

Twenty minutes in Trish began to complain.

"I don't understand why we have to do this." She says groaning.

I glance at her treadmill meter thing. She was only going 1 mile per hour. I shake my head. She doesn't know real struggle.

"Would you rather be lifting weights with the boys?" I ask slightly out of breath.

Trish looks over at the boys. "Well yeah, I could look at them easier."

I laugh.

"Why are you working so hard on this?" Trish asks. "It's not like you actually need to lose weight."

_"__She's just trying to make you fat. So she can look better than you by comparison. Don't listen to her." _Ana says as she sits in front of the treadmill.

"It's not that. I'm just working extra hard this time since I haven't been doing so well in the other activities we do in gym. You do know we get a grade in here, right?"

Trish widens her eyes. "No, I didn't."

"Well we do." I say.

* * *

After changing out of my gym clothing in the bathroom rather than the locker room, I head to my last class. I stand at my locker putting my clothes in my book bag and grabbing the next class' book.

"Hey Ally,"

I look to my left. "Oh hey Austin,"

"So do you finish the song last night?" He asks.

I nod. I grab the music sheets and hand them to him. "There you can read over the song and see if you want to change anything."

"I'd never change it. You always come up with the best songs." He says. He flashes a smile at me.

Normally, like any other girl, I would swoon and be weak in the knees. But I'm not. I smile back at him and nod.

"See you later," I say and walk away.

Lately I've been thinking that the only reason Austin flirts with me is because he thinks that the only way he can get the songs. Also I think he thinks I might have a crush on him. I don't. I just don't. Plus I don't think he could actually like me. There are plenty of gorgeous, _thin_ girls in Miami and he could have any of them.

But he could also like me.

This is what the exercising does to me. It puts my brain in over drive.

* * *

I shut the door behind me. I put my book bag down on the ground beside the front door.

"Ally, honey, you're home." Dad says from the kitchen.

I walk in while he scoops himself vanilla ice cream into a bowl. "Yeah, we were at the studio."

"You missed dinner." He says picking a spoon from the dish drainer.

"I know." I say sitting in on a stool from the island in the room. "We ordered pizza." lielielielielielielielie

"Do you want some ice cream?"

I stare at the ice cream container. I want it, I want I soooo bad. "Yeah, get me a bowl and a spoon."

He does and sits in on the island. "Well goodnight." He leaves.

I stand up go to the ice cream container. I take the spoon and scoop out some ice cream. I do it again and again, until there are three big scoops of ice cream. I put the lid on the ice cream container and set it back in the freezer. I take the spoon and swirl the ice cream together. I raise the spoon to my nose and sniff it.

The vanilla fumes rise up into my nose and spin around in my brain.

I want to dip my tongue in it. I want to shove my face in the ice cream. It's been months since I've even tasted something sweet.

_"__Stop being so weak,"_ Ana's voice startles me.

I look at her sitting on the kitchen's island.

_"__Ice cream is nasty, way too full of calories."_

I look at the bowl. "You're right."

I take the bowl and pour it down the sink drain. I quickly clean the bowl and put it back in the cupboard.

_"__You know, you should really exercise tonight." _Ana says.

I walk past her and up the stairs, in my room. "What do you mean? I exercised during gym. I-I burned 200 calories."

Ana laughs while hopping on to my bed. "200 calories? Honey, that's not enough, add 300 more calories and you'll be good."

"No," I say shaking my head. "It's 7:32. I need to take a shower and go to sleep."

_"__Ally, it'll only take about 45 minutes." _She says likes it's the easiest thing to do in the world.

I look at her and then look down at my body. I guess it couldn't hurt.

* * *

I get out of the shower and stand in front of the mirror. I could faintly see my ribs. I turn around and look at my back in the mirror. The fat around my shoulder blades were at least thinning. My mind spins as I put my pajamas.

_"__See you already look skinnier!" _Ana smiles.

"Ana," I say. "I'm tired of this."

I pull the comforter back and get in. I slowly sink in the mattress. Ana wraps her arms around and pats my hair.

_"__Only fifteen more pounds, sweetie."_

**Third chapter! Sorry if it sucked, this one was hard to write. Please review, favorite or follow! Thank you guys for reading. **


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Ally's POV

"Ally Dawson, Ally Dawson,"

Someone is poking me with insane _boney_ fingers.

"Ally Dawson, wake up!"

I raise my head up. My nose is filled with the scent of boiled eggs. My eyes open but I can't see anything.

"Ally, are you awake?" The _boneyboneyboney_ finger is jabbed in to my ribs again.

"Yes!" I yell in pain. My sight returns.

Melody Crawford, a blond girl who was _tiny__**tiny**__tiny_ skinny, was staring at me with bright green eyes. "Well it's time to go to 2nd block, come on you don't want to be late."

"Get out of my face."

She looks at me shocked with a scrunched up nose. She makes an 'hmmp' noise and leaves me.

I rise up and look around. Everybody in class was gone and the teacher was sitting in his desk, too busy to notice me. I grab my books and leave.

I enter my second class of the day to be greeted by Trish.

"Where were you?" She asks. "I was going to meet you at your locker."

"I fell asleep in class."

Trish's mouth drops as we sit in our seats in the back of the class room. "You, Ally Dawson, fell asleep in class?"

I nod. "Why is that so hard to believe?"

"Because you're….YOU!"

My eyebrows furrow at her. "What is that supposed to mean?" I say slightly irritated.

"Nothing, it's just not like you."

"People change Trish, all the time." I say. "And just because I fell asleep in class one time doesn't mean it's the ending of the freaking world. Why do you always make a big deal about everything, huh?"

Trish stares back at me stunned that I snapped at her. I want to apologize and **tell** her I didn't mean it, **tell** her that I didn't get much sleep last night and that I was tired, **tell **her I haven't eaten in the last two days,**tell** her that I want to be normal.

******But I meant what I said. **

The teacher saves us from the drowning silence that was pulling us down down down. He starts talking about sentences and how we can pull them together with compound words or something. I can't hear him. My ears are ringing and I want to **rip** apart everyone.

_"__Crabby aren't we," _Ana says laughing.

* * *

Lunch was difficult. The unbearable silence between Trish and me, the **noticeable** grumbling coming from my stomach, the way Dez **wasn't** talking. I taptaptap my fingers on the table while reading the book. I look at the pages, turning page after page. I **forgot** how to read. Everything was blurry. My eyes kept crossing making words and words overlap each other.

Without looking I can feel Dez open his mouth, about to say something, SAY ANYTHING!

The bell rings, pulling us back to shore**reality** away from our sharks**thoughts **that were eatingeating**eating** their way to our bones.

I've never ran to class faster in my life.

* * *

"Trish told us about the argument." Austin says.

We are sitting in the practice room. Good ole practice room, my safe place.

"Really," I say. "What…what did she say happen?"

"She said you snapped at her, that's all." He was drawing on the pad of paper I gave him. It was a picture of a dog, a boy with a cap and a tree, maybe there was a cat. I don't remember.

"Well then it wasn't an argument, if I just snapped at her."

I look at my song book. I should actually say Austin's and my song book. There are more songs written for him then for me. I lost the will to write for myself. I think I might lose my record deal…who knows really.

"Are you feeling okay?" He asks.

"What do you mean?" I ask stacking the unused music sheets and putting them to the right of the piano surface.

"Lately you've always looked tired, you never go out with us anymore and you always look sad."

I fake a smile and pat his hand. "You're crazy, Austin. I'm fine."

He smiles back at me and nods. "Okay, good!" He stands up and walks around, stretching. "Do you wanna take a break and go eat? I'm hungry."

So am I.

"You can go get something to eat. I'll just stay here and write or whatever."

"Alright," He starts walking out the door. "Are you sure you don't want anything?"

I nod. "I'm sure." I stand up. "Actually, Austin, let's just go home for tonight. I'm really tired."

"Oh…okay," He says in a lowered tone than usual. "Do you want me to drive you home?"

I could feel the grumbles**butterflies** escape from my stomach and rise into my head.

"No, I drove here."

Austin quickly hugs me. "See you later, Ally. Drive safe," He says as he exits the door.

* * *

The treadmill yells/groans/screams at me as I push on, it wants a break. But I'm not breaking. I'm not breaking. I'm not breaking. **I'm not breaking.**

"_You are not hungry. You are strong. You are strong like a brick house. You are not hungry."_

I repeat this in my head over and over and over. I glance at my clock.

3:42 AM

I guess I'm not sleeping tonight

_But you have school._

It doesn't matter. I need to lose this weight. I'm so fat and ugly and useless and-

_You'll be exhausted. Just sleep, eat something and you'll feel better._

Stop trying to make me fail!

_I'm just trying to help._

Get out of my head!

_"__Oh Ally," _Ana sings ohsopretty from my desk. _"__Are we arguing with ourselves again?"_

"No," I say.

She laughs and it rings/spins/twirls around in my head. _"__Why are you lying Ally? Did you forget? I'm in your head. I know everything."_

My legs begin to feel like rubber. If I continue they'll wobble and make me fall. I can't make any loud noises, Dad will hear me. He'll come in here. He'll see me in shorts and tank top. He'll freak. Call the hospital. Tell them to set up a room for me in their mental ward. They'll drop sugary water into me as I fight/kick/scream/punch/cry.

I turn the machine off and step off of it. I fall to the ground. I can't feel my legs. I stare up at the ceiling and begin counting the sticky glow-in-the-dark stars.

Finally I stand up. I can't sleep. Sleep is for the weak. I sit down at my desk and begin the homework I need to start**I need to finish**. As I writethe vocabulary words' definitions, Ana is peering over my shoulder. I already know what these words mean. I knew what these words meant in fourth grade. This is ridiculous. I stare at the hand holding the pencil.

_"__Your nail beds are disgusting."_

* * *

100 lbs.! 100 lbs.! 100 lbs.! This body is 100 lbs.! Ana nods with approval and pats my shoulder.

I'm happy! But I'm not done. I'm far from done.

Fresh and clean from the shower, I am standing in front of my closet in my bathrobe. Looking and trying to choose today's outfit. My fingers and freshly polished nails glide over the clothes.

With my book bag weighingmedown**settledcomfortly **on my shoulder, I walk out of my room in a pair of purple skinny jeans, grey leggings underneath, and an All Time Low t-shirt, with a grey and blue long sleeved t-shirt underneath.

I walk to the stairs. My stomach does this weird thing were the grumble noises feel like they are eating my stomach. I begin walking down the stairs. My legs are wobbling again, rubber**rubber**rubber. (Watch out here comes the Rubber Girl, she can't stand at all!) My eyes are watery. My whole body is scorching **hot**. It feels like the whole room has dimmed. Black Spots come back. (Hello Black Spots it's been a long time!) Dizzy comes in and sits in my head. (Telling me she's here to stay for a while, woo hoo!)

I grab the railing of the stairs tightly**. I can't pass out**. If it pass out everyone will know. I won't be looked at the same again. I'll be looked at the way you look at a stupid kid. Confused and sorry, **so**SOSO**so** sorry for it's sad little life. I fall on my butt and I'm sitting on the staircase. Breathing in and out, in and out. Forcing my eyes to stay openopenopen.

"Ally, what are you doing?" Dad is behind me on the stairs.

Oh, just go **AWAY**!

"Yeah…Dad…I'm…good." Big and airy breaths were being taken between each word. I stand up. "I…was…just…sitting…" Black Spots and Dizzy bring me back to the ground.

He is beside me touching my arm. "Are you okay, honey?"

I nod. "Great…great…great,"

"You don't look so good."

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

"Maybe your blood sugar is down," He says. "Come on; let's get some food in you."

He helps me up, helps me down the stairs, and helps me into one of the stools for the island.

I watch him along with Dizzy and Black Spots as he puts toast in the toaster. Watch him grab the milk from the refrigerator. I cross my arms on the counter top and let my head fall.

"Here Ally," Dad's voice says.

I raise my head. Dizzy stayed true to her word, she stayed.

I look in front of me. The toast is on a plate with something glistening on the top. A bowl with cereal and milk with a spoon beside it. I pick up the spoon (STOP!) raise it to my mouth (STOP! NO! NO!). The cereal, the milk is in my mouth and it tastes so good. I put the spoon in the bowl again again again and again.

_"__Stop!" _Ana screams. She beside me stomping her feet, jumping up and down. _"__You're ruining everything we're worked for! You selfish bitch! I was there with for everything!"_

"Are you feeling okay?" Dad asks.

I nod. "I'm good. Go ahead and go to work." I finish the cereal and move on to the toast.

He kisses the top of my head. When he's out the door, I'm on my feet. Running to the cupboard grabbing the graham crackers, grabbing the chocolate spread.

* * *

By 10:00 AM I have all the graham crackers and chocolate spread eaten. By 10:00 AM I have all of the yogurt containers eaten. By 10:00 AM I have the entire ice cream container eaten. By 10:00 AM I have the bread and humus eaten. By 10:00 AM I have every piece of chocolate candy in the house eaten.

* * *

By 10:02 AM I am regretting this. By 10:02 AM I am standing over the toilet in my bathroom. By 10:02 AM I am forcing my tiny**hugefatfatfatfathuge** finger down my throat. By 10:02 AM I am trying to make every mistake, every tasty**disgusting** regret get out get out get out **GET OUT**! By 10:02 AM my throat closes and I freak out.

* * *

By 10:08 AM my foot is on the gas pedal, pushing it down farther. Faster and faster and faster I go. By 10:08 AM I am rushing down the medical/beauty product isle. By 10:08 AM I am chewing on my pretty polished finger nails, on my knees trying to choose with one to get. By 10:09 I am getting weirdly stared at by the check-out person because the choosing of my products.

* * *

I stand in my bed room. My arms are shaking. Ana is yelling at me. My tears are falling from my face on to my twig**fatfatfat** arms on to the carpet that has wedged itself between my toes. I am taking the box out of the bag. Tearing the box apart, popping two pills out of their seal and shoving**putting** them in my mouth. Down, down, down they go down my throat (**just like the crackers/chocolatespread/yogurt/icecream/bread/humus/chocolatecandy!**) with the cold, cold, cold water.

I take the razor blades from the plastic bag also. I take my pants off. Standing in my underwear and t-shirt, I take a razor and make fourfivesixseven lines along my thighs. I watch as the bleed rushes to the surface. Turning blue to red with the touch of oxygen. I lose the sight of my legs, the blood, my room, my arms, the razor from the tears .raining.

I wish I were normal.

* * *

**Well that was chapter four. Sorry for the late night updating. I'm use to updating at 7 pm not almost 3 in the morning, my time. **

**Thanks for reading! Please review, follow and favorite. Tell your friend if you think they'd be interested in this. **

**(Is it weird I listened to happy music the whole time while typing this?)**


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